Weddings and Marriage
2007-02-19
Lately it seems that no matter what I do, I can't get away from weddings. I came home from work tonight only to discover a new MTV series called Engaged and Underage . The premise is exactly that... young couples who get married, despite being quite young. Some of them seem more prepared than others, but all in all, they look like little kids playing wedding and house. Watching this program was kind of like watching a train wreck... I couldn't bear to watch these kindergardeners whine and moan, but at the same time, I couldn't tear my eyes away from the screen... Watching just two episodes made me glad that we waited to get married until we were creepin' up on 30 (instead of eagerly looking forward to our 21st birthdays).
Jan and I are already married, but we're planning a second wedding, which will occur this coming June in his hometown of Copenhagen, Denmark. We started planning both of our weddings on our engagement cruise to Oslo in December 2005. I wanted to get married in Denmark, and he wanted to have an Elvis wedding in Las Vegas. As it turns out, we get to have both. We were legally married in Las Vegas last July so we could be together in the US. Elvis and ten close friends were in attendance. Before our wedding at the Graceland Chapel, none of us knew that Elvis drives an Escalade! We're having our religious ceremony in Jan's family's church. Elvis will not attend, but about 80-100 friends and family members will be there to witness our vows.
I had been pretty excited about all the planning until my family decided to add to my stress load. Although the dust has settled, now I have to work hard to get excited about it again. We still have big details to finalize, such as cake, flowers, etc., and I want to be able to enjoy it instead of just trying to get through it. I am doing my best... but I think it will take a little while longer to really feel excited about it again. We sent out our invitations this weekend, and I didn't feel like diving into the mailbox to pull them back out again. This is probably a step in the right direction!
I picked up several books at the library over the weekend, and they've been interesting reading. It seems that having one "fun" wedding before the "meaningful" ceremony made me side-step some aspects of the rite of passage. This is definitely an oversimplification, but women purportedly go through a process of separating from their families of origin prior to the wedding. This enables women to build their identity as a wife to their husband, and helps them build their identity as a couple. In my personal and professional opinion, this seems a bit like old-fashioned crap. Maybe this is more true for 19-year-olds who have never lived on their own, but can this really be true for women more like me (30, on my own for almost a decade, who lived with her hubby for at least 5 years before getting married)? Jan and I had an identity as a couple long before we danced up and down the aisle to Viva Las Vegas. I'm trying to keep an open mind while I finish the books (citations below).
Moir-Smith, A. (2006). Emotionally engaged: A Bride's guide to surviving the "happiest" time of her life. New York: Hudson Street Press.
Nissinen, S. (2000). The conscious bride: Women unveil their true feelings about getting hitched. Oakland, CA: New Harbinger Publications.
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